idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im part way to drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
