guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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