hotel room ftw
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
