wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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