I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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