i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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