North Korea, Best Korea!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
