your thong is hanging out like whoa
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
