when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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