did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
