it hurts more in the daytime
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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