Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
