Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
