Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
