Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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