She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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