Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
