How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
