I just gift wrapped bread.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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