the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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