so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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