legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
