He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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