just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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