I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
