Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize