found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
