Me too!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
