For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
