he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
