I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
