And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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