like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
