That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize