If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
