hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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