I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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