you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
