I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
