I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
