I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
