a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
