ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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