so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
