well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
