the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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