Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
