He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
