HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
