The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
