Small penises have feelings too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
