Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize