his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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