New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
