weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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