how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
