i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize