sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
