I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
