I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
