when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
