If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
