Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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