omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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