Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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