I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
