shes about as inviting as chlamydia
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
a search helicopter?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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