It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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