ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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